It's been a while since I've blogged, but a tragic accident happened over the weekend that leaves me speechless.
We always say that we lose the good ones and God takes them away first. Why is that? Why does God take away the people that we need on this Earth to make a difference? The people who are actually better role models than the next citizen? The kind of people that others who seeks life partners are looking for? The kind of people whose parents are so proud to call their child or the friend that's considered a family member?
I will never understand or care to understand the fascination in guns. My dad raised me on them and taught me how to shoot my first BB gun in elementary. I would read marksmanship books after school to improve my skills in target shooting. I shot targets in the backyard with my BB gun. My dad took me with him to the shooting range to shoot pistols. Sure, they were for sport and I didn't fear them as I do now. Having a rifle under my bed was nothing.
It wasn't until after high school that I found a fear in guns. Too many innocent people are being shot and losing their lives to pointless murders, suicides, accidental discharges, or careless keeping of them in the house around kids. I've lost friends to bullets and so has everyone else. Everyday, on the news, there's an overnight shooting in Oakland. Minors kill without thinking of the consequences... You're taking a life and you'll owe your own some way or another. These people don't think about the families left behind or the impact their victims had in the community. No one will ever know or experience the stories of these victims because they didn't have a chance to experience life or share it with others.
A single shot is all it takes and in an instant, a life is taken away. Whether the shot was taken out of anger, sport, or careless actions, a life was taken and will never come back. A life that probably had more dreams to reach, more goals to obtain, a family to live for, a memory to make is now no more.
All the tragic events that have happened with guns to people I know leave me fearful of them. I've shot guns since my elementary years and I'm a grown ass woman with a son, who now fears that the worst can come at any time. Guns kill and it kills everyone involved. I vow to never have guns in my household. I don't care if it's for protection. I cannot risk any accidents of accidental discharge, the gun being loaded, the gun being mishandled. I just cannot. I'd rather be careful than careless or care less. Life is much too precious to keep such a dangerous weapon in my possession.
RIP Mikel Franco Enriquez
April 28, 2012
An Antioch Man Who Accidentally Shot His Brother
I'm honored to have crossed your path in life. Although we were just acquaintances, I know you were a beautiful soul and a good friend to everyone. Safe travels and say hi to RJ for me. Life is too short and I can't say that enough. Rest in paradise where you'll always be safe.
A life worth living
Monday, April 30, 2012
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Heavyweight
It seems as if I've had way too many bad days, more than good for a while. You just know your day will turn out shitty when you're about to leave the house and your dog just pissed everywhere and you have to clean it up. Then shortly after that, your kid takes a dump and you have to change his diaper even when you just changed it before leaving the house. Then you get on the road and there's soooooooooo much traffic and with the thought of how you're gonna quietly creep to your desk without the boss knowing is running through your mind. You get cut off by the stupidest drivers or the slow ones that create a pocket so you can be trapped all the way to work. You finally get to your desk and you're 15 minutes late. Bam!!! Your phone goes off and it's a nasty text message of how much hatred this person has for you and how they wished they can kick you even when you're down. Can your day get any worse? Of course it can!!!! Although so many things can mess up your day, it's totally up to you on how to move forward and change the negativity that has branded your morning.
Well, I've learned that I can control how the rest of my day can play out. I can't change what's going to happen to me, but I can change my attitude on things. I do believe in laws of attraction. You get what you exude. I've had many bad days, but at the end of the day, I came out ok. Sure, it could have been an awful day and one that you wished never happened, but that's life as Frank Sinatra would say. You get what you put up with. I can choose to be upset about every bad thing that has happened to me during the day, but will that make my day any better? Nope! Will it satisfy the person with the mean text if I choose to let them get to me? Yes! Do I want that? No! We want to be as positive as we can be! The best revenge is the good life!
Now, I know that this is easier said than done because I've had many bad days and what I would give to run someone over and beat the shit out of the person who has the audacity to send me dumb shit via text because they're not grown enough to tell it to my face in an adult manner. *Exhale* I remind myself to be the bigger person and that there will be a pot of gold at the end of my storm when the rainbow appears. Why is it that my storm hasn't passed? This is the question I constantly ask myself. Why do I have so many bad days? Why do other people who don't deserve their good days always have them? There's gotta be a plan...some sort of reasoning behind this story God has played out for me.
Even though I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders with being a single mom and playing both mom and dad, trying to be a great asset in my job that is slowly sinking and putting up with all the unnecessary shit in my life, I know my life can be so much worse. There are other people out there who are suffering who would love to trade places with me any day. At the end of the day, I came out alive and I have my son. I have to live for my son. I have to enrich his life with all good things and show him that I'm here to be strong for both of us. I've sacrificed for both of us. For us to be happy and grow together and for him to be healthy and have a good upbringing.
Life will always have its struggles and I do hope that someday that pot of gold will shine bright for me. I am very thankful for each day and for each day I get to kiss and hold my son. Nothing can stop me from being the best mom I can be and the best person I can try to be for myself. I know this weight will eventually get lighter. Until then, I must learn to accept and move on and to change my attitude on things. Pain will only cut as deep as you let it. Well, this tough skin has to thicken up for sure. How do you handle your bad days? Comment me!
Well, I've learned that I can control how the rest of my day can play out. I can't change what's going to happen to me, but I can change my attitude on things. I do believe in laws of attraction. You get what you exude. I've had many bad days, but at the end of the day, I came out ok. Sure, it could have been an awful day and one that you wished never happened, but that's life as Frank Sinatra would say. You get what you put up with. I can choose to be upset about every bad thing that has happened to me during the day, but will that make my day any better? Nope! Will it satisfy the person with the mean text if I choose to let them get to me? Yes! Do I want that? No! We want to be as positive as we can be! The best revenge is the good life!
Now, I know that this is easier said than done because I've had many bad days and what I would give to run someone over and beat the shit out of the person who has the audacity to send me dumb shit via text because they're not grown enough to tell it to my face in an adult manner. *Exhale* I remind myself to be the bigger person and that there will be a pot of gold at the end of my storm when the rainbow appears. Why is it that my storm hasn't passed? This is the question I constantly ask myself. Why do I have so many bad days? Why do other people who don't deserve their good days always have them? There's gotta be a plan...some sort of reasoning behind this story God has played out for me.
Even though I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders with being a single mom and playing both mom and dad, trying to be a great asset in my job that is slowly sinking and putting up with all the unnecessary shit in my life, I know my life can be so much worse. There are other people out there who are suffering who would love to trade places with me any day. At the end of the day, I came out alive and I have my son. I have to live for my son. I have to enrich his life with all good things and show him that I'm here to be strong for both of us. I've sacrificed for both of us. For us to be happy and grow together and for him to be healthy and have a good upbringing.
Life will always have its struggles and I do hope that someday that pot of gold will shine bright for me. I am very thankful for each day and for each day I get to kiss and hold my son. Nothing can stop me from being the best mom I can be and the best person I can try to be for myself. I know this weight will eventually get lighter. Until then, I must learn to accept and move on and to change my attitude on things. Pain will only cut as deep as you let it. Well, this tough skin has to thicken up for sure. How do you handle your bad days? Comment me!
Monday, August 22, 2011
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Happy Monday folkers!!! I hope you all had a wonderful weekend! My weekend was pretty low-key. I didn't do much other than spend the weekend with family. Friday was interesting, which led me to talk about "respect" on today's blog. Saturday, my parents came over to visit me and Gavin. Then I hung out with some friends next door. Sunday, I spent time with my cousin and nephew and then took Gavin to Super Franks so he can get out of the house and play with his cousin, Donovon. Overall, I had a good weekend.
Now, onto today's topic "RESPECT". We are all aware that your man will treat you the same way he treats his mama. I will try and be a lady about how I approach this topic as this is a sensitive subject and not intended to bash anyone.
Growing up, it was a huge part of my discipline to always respect my parents, no matter what! If they beat me, love me, yell at me, etc. you are to always show your unconditional respect towards them because they brought you into this world and provided for you. Given the financial situation for everyone these days, that's something to appreciate in the utmost respect. With the monetary factor aside, kids are brought up to always respect their parents, PERIOD.
As I got older and moved out on my own, I saw how hard it was to support myself and now that I'm a mother, having to care for another person, I can understand why my parents made sure I understood the meaning of parenthood and the difficulty of it. It's not until you leave the nest when you fully learn to spread your wings. As a parent, I want to instill the same values to my son so he can grow up to be a sweet little boy and respectful to everyone around him including his parents. Kids will always be a reflection of their parents and with that said, we, as parents need to instill proper values into our children while they are still young because if you don't, you may never get the chance to and it'll be too late.
I've come to the realization that if you don't stress the importance of respect to your kids, they will grow into adults without values or concerns and regards of others' feelings. If parents try too hard to be "friends" rather than "parents" to their children, you will be treated as such and there is an extreme fine line between the two. I'm all for being friends with your children, but if you cross that line where you talk the lingo of your children and try to be hip and act the age of your children, best believe you will get treated the same way. It's ok to be friends, BUT it must be etched in stone that you are the parent and deserve to be respected, obeyed and listened to.
When you see a man yell at his mom using profanity, hangs up on her, disrespects her in public, constantly rides her ass with every little move she does, THIS PERSON WAS NOT BROUGHT UP RIGHT. Is it his fault? Yes, but partially. Everything starts at home. If you let your children get away with everything and I do mean, everything, you will suffer the consequences for your entire lifetime and those who are unfortunate to be involved with people like this, will too.
When I was little, the moment I answered back to my parents, they were not shy about slapping me across the face. Did it scare me? Yes! Did it show me who was superior to me? Yes! Did it teach me a lesson? Not all the time... But I got the point eventually and I learned from my mistakes. Not to toot my own horn, but you can ask anyone about me. They will tell you I'm a sweet person and very loving. My rough upbringing made me a strong, respectable woman. I cannot let my parents' failures or my mistakes corrupt the reflection I am of them. They raised me the best way possible and I came out with flying colors.
Respect is earned, indeed. However, parents are given this by default, with the exception of parents who aren't doing their part as parents. What I'm saying is, if you don't teach your children the value of respect, to respect women, respect your elders, relatives, friends, occupation, etc. you will hurt yourself and others that care about you. I'll be damned if the next man I get with has the nerve to call me a bitch like it's the word "the" in his vocabulary in front of anyone, anytime, anywhere, in front of my child lacking the respect that is earned when being a woman who has loved unconditionally and brought a child into this world and has done nothing short of everything for him.
A red flag should definitely be brought up once you see your prospect/man mistreating his mother. He will do the same thing to you. If this is how he treats the important women is his life, think about if this is what you want to live with for the rest of yours.
Now, onto today's topic "RESPECT". We are all aware that your man will treat you the same way he treats his mama. I will try and be a lady about how I approach this topic as this is a sensitive subject and not intended to bash anyone.
Growing up, it was a huge part of my discipline to always respect my parents, no matter what! If they beat me, love me, yell at me, etc. you are to always show your unconditional respect towards them because they brought you into this world and provided for you. Given the financial situation for everyone these days, that's something to appreciate in the utmost respect. With the monetary factor aside, kids are brought up to always respect their parents, PERIOD.
As I got older and moved out on my own, I saw how hard it was to support myself and now that I'm a mother, having to care for another person, I can understand why my parents made sure I understood the meaning of parenthood and the difficulty of it. It's not until you leave the nest when you fully learn to spread your wings. As a parent, I want to instill the same values to my son so he can grow up to be a sweet little boy and respectful to everyone around him including his parents. Kids will always be a reflection of their parents and with that said, we, as parents need to instill proper values into our children while they are still young because if you don't, you may never get the chance to and it'll be too late.
I've come to the realization that if you don't stress the importance of respect to your kids, they will grow into adults without values or concerns and regards of others' feelings. If parents try too hard to be "friends" rather than "parents" to their children, you will be treated as such and there is an extreme fine line between the two. I'm all for being friends with your children, but if you cross that line where you talk the lingo of your children and try to be hip and act the age of your children, best believe you will get treated the same way. It's ok to be friends, BUT it must be etched in stone that you are the parent and deserve to be respected, obeyed and listened to.
When you see a man yell at his mom using profanity, hangs up on her, disrespects her in public, constantly rides her ass with every little move she does, THIS PERSON WAS NOT BROUGHT UP RIGHT. Is it his fault? Yes, but partially. Everything starts at home. If you let your children get away with everything and I do mean, everything, you will suffer the consequences for your entire lifetime and those who are unfortunate to be involved with people like this, will too.
When I was little, the moment I answered back to my parents, they were not shy about slapping me across the face. Did it scare me? Yes! Did it show me who was superior to me? Yes! Did it teach me a lesson? Not all the time... But I got the point eventually and I learned from my mistakes. Not to toot my own horn, but you can ask anyone about me. They will tell you I'm a sweet person and very loving. My rough upbringing made me a strong, respectable woman. I cannot let my parents' failures or my mistakes corrupt the reflection I am of them. They raised me the best way possible and I came out with flying colors.
Respect is earned, indeed. However, parents are given this by default, with the exception of parents who aren't doing their part as parents. What I'm saying is, if you don't teach your children the value of respect, to respect women, respect your elders, relatives, friends, occupation, etc. you will hurt yourself and others that care about you. I'll be damned if the next man I get with has the nerve to call me a bitch like it's the word "the" in his vocabulary in front of anyone, anytime, anywhere, in front of my child lacking the respect that is earned when being a woman who has loved unconditionally and brought a child into this world and has done nothing short of everything for him.
A red flag should definitely be brought up once you see your prospect/man mistreating his mother. He will do the same thing to you. If this is how he treats the important women is his life, think about if this is what you want to live with for the rest of yours.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Dirty Laundry
After many discussions on how I waste my time reading nonsense on Facebook when I can be blogging, releasing my thoughts and sharing with the world experiences of my day, I've come to that point where I want to start writing again.
Hello all... So I'm not sure where to start. So much has happened since my last blog and this can go on forever. I guess I can write on a topic that is very disturbing for me and quite painful. I'm not about airing out my dirty laundry on the internet whether it be with the hundreds of friends one may have on Facebook or the followers on Twitter. It's tacky and very disrespectful and in my opinion, says a lot about one's character.
Me and Gavin's dad didn't work out and it's unfortunate. I'm not happy about it and could only wish that things were different, but things don't always work out the way we planned or hoped. All I can do is move on and take care of my son and maybe myself too. ;) In the midst of this nasty breakup, it has been brought to my attention that my ex so freely bashes me indirectly on Facebook/Twitter, etc...
We're going on 6 months of being apart and till this day, things are still being said about me on the internet. If that's how he releases, that's fine, BUT I am the mother of his child, someone he shared 5 years with, someone who stuck by his side through ALL obstacles, forgave his mistakes and loved him more and more and more no matter what knife he stabbed me with. I am the person who so selflessly gave everything to make him happy even when the pain was so unbearable. I carried our beautiful son for 9 months doing everything right to make sure our baby had the best and I delivered the most amazing child I'll ever know who has taught me more about the word "unconditional". I crouch my head down in embarrassment not knowing what his audience thinks of me after he has entertained them with garbage.
Even though hurtful things have been said about me to my shock and to the shock of my friends, I don't find any comfort in disrespecting him in the same distasteful manner. I love him and I respect him and that's how it is. Bashing him will not make me feel any better nor will it take me out of the pit of misery I have in my stomach. I can't believe that someone I thought loved me would do such a thing to embarrass me for the worldwide web to see. It also hurts to know that the clients he shares an intimacy with while tattooing them gets to hear the same garbage.
How does this make me feel? DEFEATED. EMPTY. HUMILIATED. ASHAMED. EMBARRASSED. RIDICULED. HEARTBROKEN. I'm sure you get what I'm saying.
During one of our heated fights, he mentioned that our friends have perfect relationships on Facebook and ours is nothing like theirs. WOW!!! Facebook is fake! People announce what they want their friends to know. In his case, he wants to find some validation for the dirt he does because he's not doing anything wrong. Right??????? Right... I have my faults and I'm not afraid to admit that. I am not perfect and everyday is a lesson for me. Mature and respectful people do not air out their dirty laundry. That is kept private as the skid marks on one's underwear.
Yes, I felt defeated that I have my hands tied. I will not retaliate. I will deal with this and try to lift that head up high no matter what has been said about me. I know I'm a good woman and did my best to make this relationship work and to be a good parent to our son. If he could not see or appreciate that even after all he has put me through in the past 5 years, then clearly, I need to keep moving forward. As much as it hurts and lingers in my heart with crazy thoughts running through my mind, I must stay strong and know that 1 day my time will come. Someone more deserving of what I have to offer will find me. Until that day happens, I must focus on getting better and being strong for my innocent child who will be a product of a broken home like his mama.
Karma will play its part in all of this and if this is another one of life's lessons, maybe it's time for me to see if the grass is greener on the other side.
Good night world and thank you for taking the time to read this. I'll keep ya posted.
Hello all... So I'm not sure where to start. So much has happened since my last blog and this can go on forever. I guess I can write on a topic that is very disturbing for me and quite painful. I'm not about airing out my dirty laundry on the internet whether it be with the hundreds of friends one may have on Facebook or the followers on Twitter. It's tacky and very disrespectful and in my opinion, says a lot about one's character.
Me and Gavin's dad didn't work out and it's unfortunate. I'm not happy about it and could only wish that things were different, but things don't always work out the way we planned or hoped. All I can do is move on and take care of my son and maybe myself too. ;) In the midst of this nasty breakup, it has been brought to my attention that my ex so freely bashes me indirectly on Facebook/Twitter, etc...
We're going on 6 months of being apart and till this day, things are still being said about me on the internet. If that's how he releases, that's fine, BUT I am the mother of his child, someone he shared 5 years with, someone who stuck by his side through ALL obstacles, forgave his mistakes and loved him more and more and more no matter what knife he stabbed me with. I am the person who so selflessly gave everything to make him happy even when the pain was so unbearable. I carried our beautiful son for 9 months doing everything right to make sure our baby had the best and I delivered the most amazing child I'll ever know who has taught me more about the word "unconditional". I crouch my head down in embarrassment not knowing what his audience thinks of me after he has entertained them with garbage.
Even though hurtful things have been said about me to my shock and to the shock of my friends, I don't find any comfort in disrespecting him in the same distasteful manner. I love him and I respect him and that's how it is. Bashing him will not make me feel any better nor will it take me out of the pit of misery I have in my stomach. I can't believe that someone I thought loved me would do such a thing to embarrass me for the worldwide web to see. It also hurts to know that the clients he shares an intimacy with while tattooing them gets to hear the same garbage.
How does this make me feel? DEFEATED. EMPTY. HUMILIATED. ASHAMED. EMBARRASSED. RIDICULED. HEARTBROKEN. I'm sure you get what I'm saying.
During one of our heated fights, he mentioned that our friends have perfect relationships on Facebook and ours is nothing like theirs. WOW!!! Facebook is fake! People announce what they want their friends to know. In his case, he wants to find some validation for the dirt he does because he's not doing anything wrong. Right??????? Right... I have my faults and I'm not afraid to admit that. I am not perfect and everyday is a lesson for me. Mature and respectful people do not air out their dirty laundry. That is kept private as the skid marks on one's underwear.
Yes, I felt defeated that I have my hands tied. I will not retaliate. I will deal with this and try to lift that head up high no matter what has been said about me. I know I'm a good woman and did my best to make this relationship work and to be a good parent to our son. If he could not see or appreciate that even after all he has put me through in the past 5 years, then clearly, I need to keep moving forward. As much as it hurts and lingers in my heart with crazy thoughts running through my mind, I must stay strong and know that 1 day my time will come. Someone more deserving of what I have to offer will find me. Until that day happens, I must focus on getting better and being strong for my innocent child who will be a product of a broken home like his mama.
Karma will play its part in all of this and if this is another one of life's lessons, maybe it's time for me to see if the grass is greener on the other side.
Good night world and thank you for taking the time to read this. I'll keep ya posted.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Happy New Year!!!!!
For the start of 2011, I have made some new year's resolutions and I hope that I can follow through with it. I plan on blogging more often and update you all on Gavin's new milestones and growth, hit the gym again, reflect on my past mistakes and make a better person of myself going forward, and being a little more organized. So here's to the start of one of my resolutions... My first blog of the new year ;)
I can't remember how old I was when I last hung out with my family on New Year's Eve. Maybe high school? Anyhoot, Gavin was sick and Greg and I wanted to be with family for Gavin's first New Year celebration. For the past few years, Greg's mom has been alone on the Eve due to Greg's dad working his 2nd job at the Hilton. What better way to celebrate this momentous occasion than with our parents and our little sunshine?
My mom cooked up a feast for sure! It was just us 5, my mom and stepdad (Mike), Greg, Greg's mom, myself and baby Gavin. We had whole steamed crabs, baked potatoes, pancit, honey baked ham, steak, rice, bibingka, and tiramisu. Boy, were we stuffed!
It was a pretty low-key celebration. We just hung out, watched Salt, and then the countdown. We watched Gavin play in his portable crib. I can't believe how fast he's growing. He's now at the tail-end of 9 months and he talks up a storm, laughs non-stop, crawls, stands, pulls up, and can walk while holding onto things. He has 8 teeth, a lot of hair, and his feet look like little boy feet. *sigh* Slow down Gavin! Watching both grandmas play with him brings me so much joy. It's true what they say about babies being little blessings. Gavin is one happy baby! Greg and I are so fortunate and blessed to have this healthy, happy boy. What a year 2010 was.
So for New Year's day, Greg and I went to Ikea and bought a bunch of stuff to organize our crazy little condo. Over the past year, we have become bombarded with baby toys, cribs, bouncers, etc. On top of that, Greg is a pack rat so we needed help with organization. We bought shelves and rearranged our room. I must say that shelves made our room look so much bigger. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully, by the end of this week, we'll have the rest of the shelves up and Greg will organize his clothes and we'll pack away Gavin's clothes that he's outgrown (sigh). We also need to put the rest of the Xmas stuff away. 2011, please be good to us! So far, it looks like we're headed in the right direction. Happy New Year everyone!
I can't remember how old I was when I last hung out with my family on New Year's Eve. Maybe high school? Anyhoot, Gavin was sick and Greg and I wanted to be with family for Gavin's first New Year celebration. For the past few years, Greg's mom has been alone on the Eve due to Greg's dad working his 2nd job at the Hilton. What better way to celebrate this momentous occasion than with our parents and our little sunshine?
My mom cooked up a feast for sure! It was just us 5, my mom and stepdad (Mike), Greg, Greg's mom, myself and baby Gavin. We had whole steamed crabs, baked potatoes, pancit, honey baked ham, steak, rice, bibingka, and tiramisu. Boy, were we stuffed!
It was a pretty low-key celebration. We just hung out, watched Salt, and then the countdown. We watched Gavin play in his portable crib. I can't believe how fast he's growing. He's now at the tail-end of 9 months and he talks up a storm, laughs non-stop, crawls, stands, pulls up, and can walk while holding onto things. He has 8 teeth, a lot of hair, and his feet look like little boy feet. *sigh* Slow down Gavin! Watching both grandmas play with him brings me so much joy. It's true what they say about babies being little blessings. Gavin is one happy baby! Greg and I are so fortunate and blessed to have this healthy, happy boy. What a year 2010 was.
So for New Year's day, Greg and I went to Ikea and bought a bunch of stuff to organize our crazy little condo. Over the past year, we have become bombarded with baby toys, cribs, bouncers, etc. On top of that, Greg is a pack rat so we needed help with organization. We bought shelves and rearranged our room. I must say that shelves made our room look so much bigger. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully, by the end of this week, we'll have the rest of the shelves up and Greg will organize his clothes and we'll pack away Gavin's clothes that he's outgrown (sigh). We also need to put the rest of the Xmas stuff away. 2011, please be good to us! So far, it looks like we're headed in the right direction. Happy New Year everyone!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
The Happy Hooker!
I've picked up a new hobby of crocheting and I must say that it's really rewarding! I've made 3 infinity scarves so far since I find that to be the easiest thing to crochet. You don't have to worry about counting your stitches. I caught on pretty quickly and maybe that's because I had some great teachers to help me. =) I really wanted to learn so I can make beanies for Gavin, but counting stitches was difficult so I learned that making an infinity scarf was easier. Maybe once I get movin', I'll learn how to do beanies.
My next goal is to learn how to use my sewing machine that Greg bought me for my birthday. I think I need a craft room. Hopefully, we can get a bigger house so Greg can have his art studio, I'll have my craft room, and Gavin will have his nursery/play room.
Crochet makes time fly and is really therapeutic. I found a new respect for people who use hooks and needles! It's not easy and it also takes quite an imagination.
My next goal is to learn how to use my sewing machine that Greg bought me for my birthday. I think I need a craft room. Hopefully, we can get a bigger house so Greg can have his art studio, I'll have my craft room, and Gavin will have his nursery/play room.
Crochet makes time fly and is really therapeutic. I found a new respect for people who use hooks and needles! It's not easy and it also takes quite an imagination.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Locked up!
For 10 years now, I feel as if I'm an animal in a cage. As I mentioned in my first blog, my parents always thought I'd be nothing. I was a bright student and got lost along the way because of distractions. I never got to follow my dreams. All I wanted to do was prove my parents wrong and I did, but not to my benefit. I wasn't doing what I wanted.
After graduating from Carondelet, my dad thought it'd be a great idea to enroll me into Heald College. Long story short, I didn't go to FIDM as I wanted. I completed my 18 month course in Computer Electronics and am proud to say that I paid my way through college, but computers wasn't my passion. Since 1998, I've been working in the IT field. This is not me! This is not what I wanted! I guess at the time, it was the hype of the .com bizz and everyone was jumping on that and making money.
Through the years, I wondered where I'd be had I followed my dream of becoming a fashion designer. Then I scratched that idea out and thought what my life would be like if I became a hair dresser. The thought of me going back to school didn't sit well because who would pay my bills? I could have been done by now. I could have been working in a salon with cool, trendy women, setting my own schedules and making good money. I live behind 3 freakin' beauty schools. Was that a sign? I did try to pursue my makeup venture. I worked for Benefit Cosmetics for a year and loved it, but I couldn't do retail. It was putting a strain on my personal life because I was working 2 jobs and never had time for me or my family and friends. I was working 60 hour weeks and forget about weekends... What was that? I did pick up a few gigs here and there and enjoyed doing wedding makeup, but I was limited in my supplies. I didn't have money to buy all the necessities. So once again, I scratched that idea.
Then I picked up the glue gun like my mom and made things. I made favors, baskets, hairpieces, wreaths, etc. Now, I want to sew. Why does a sewing machine intimidate me? Why do I have so many excuses to not pursue something different? I have so many ideas running through my head as I sit at my 9-5 job that it drives me crazy! I'm not supposed to be here. I'm not supposed to be doing IT crap or marketing materials that have no creativity. I should be home with my son! I should be putting my thoughts out on fabrics, hair, felt, lace, tulle, silk, etc. Maybe even doing makeup again. Something! I'm in a rut. I read all these wonderful blogs of stay-at-home moms who put their creativity out there and make money. I can do the same! Why are my insecurities of not succeeding and jeopardizing my job holding me in this cage? The truth is, I need this job. I've been here for 10 years. I have great benefits, I live 10 minutes away, and it pays the bills. I'm a prisoner of my own dreams.
Well, I'm starting to get organized at home. I'm slowly purging out the crap that I don't need or didn't realize needed to get tossed. Once I organize my life, maybe then I can take my baby steps in achieving something I love. Till then, I'll be in this rut in my little cage called "Life."
After graduating from Carondelet, my dad thought it'd be a great idea to enroll me into Heald College. Long story short, I didn't go to FIDM as I wanted. I completed my 18 month course in Computer Electronics and am proud to say that I paid my way through college, but computers wasn't my passion. Since 1998, I've been working in the IT field. This is not me! This is not what I wanted! I guess at the time, it was the hype of the .com bizz and everyone was jumping on that and making money.
Through the years, I wondered where I'd be had I followed my dream of becoming a fashion designer. Then I scratched that idea out and thought what my life would be like if I became a hair dresser. The thought of me going back to school didn't sit well because who would pay my bills? I could have been done by now. I could have been working in a salon with cool, trendy women, setting my own schedules and making good money. I live behind 3 freakin' beauty schools. Was that a sign? I did try to pursue my makeup venture. I worked for Benefit Cosmetics for a year and loved it, but I couldn't do retail. It was putting a strain on my personal life because I was working 2 jobs and never had time for me or my family and friends. I was working 60 hour weeks and forget about weekends... What was that? I did pick up a few gigs here and there and enjoyed doing wedding makeup, but I was limited in my supplies. I didn't have money to buy all the necessities. So once again, I scratched that idea.
Then I picked up the glue gun like my mom and made things. I made favors, baskets, hairpieces, wreaths, etc. Now, I want to sew. Why does a sewing machine intimidate me? Why do I have so many excuses to not pursue something different? I have so many ideas running through my head as I sit at my 9-5 job that it drives me crazy! I'm not supposed to be here. I'm not supposed to be doing IT crap or marketing materials that have no creativity. I should be home with my son! I should be putting my thoughts out on fabrics, hair, felt, lace, tulle, silk, etc. Maybe even doing makeup again. Something! I'm in a rut. I read all these wonderful blogs of stay-at-home moms who put their creativity out there and make money. I can do the same! Why are my insecurities of not succeeding and jeopardizing my job holding me in this cage? The truth is, I need this job. I've been here for 10 years. I have great benefits, I live 10 minutes away, and it pays the bills. I'm a prisoner of my own dreams.
Well, I'm starting to get organized at home. I'm slowly purging out the crap that I don't need or didn't realize needed to get tossed. Once I organize my life, maybe then I can take my baby steps in achieving something I love. Till then, I'll be in this rut in my little cage called "Life."
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